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Blog · 2026-11-03

Is Your Anger a Signal or a Verdict?

Travis Hill, LPC-MHSP · Navigate Life Counseling · Franklin, TN

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Anger is real information. It tells you something matters to you. But it is not automatic proof that someone wronged you. Here's why smashing and screaming tend to keep anger going, and a simple check you can use to hear what your anger is really saying.

Why are rage rooms and scream circles so popular?

Rage rooms are spaces where you pay to smash old plates, TVs, and printers. They're having a moment. In November 2025, The Guardian ran the headline "Rage rooms: demand is surging – and 90% of customers are women." The 90% figure came from one venue in England, so I wouldn't treat it as a rule. But the trend is real. There are also "scream circles," where groups gather outside to scream together.

Psychiatrist Hannah Spier, MD, posted a short video about this trend on X in September. Her caption read: "Polls show women are getting angrier. This is how we have taught women that their anger is not something to regulate but evidence that they've been wronged."

She points to Gallup World Poll data, and the numbers are real. A BBC analysis found that in 2012, women and men around the world reported feeling anger for a lot of the day before at about the same rate. By 2021, women were ahead by six percentage points. The gap was not the same everywhere. In the US, the poll did not show women angrier than men.

In her video, Dr. Spier reads quotes from writers who frame rage as "the cure," not a symptom. Then she says, "I'm less interested in whether women are more angry than what we are increasingly telling women that their anger means."

That line stuck with me. It's the question I care about too. And it applies to everyone, not only women.

I'm Travis Hill, LPC-MHSP. Some folks call me THE Anger Management Guy in Nashville. I work with adults in Franklin and across Tennessee using mindfulness-based CBT. I'm not going to wade into the politics here. I want to talk about what anger means inside one person, on one ordinary Tuesday.

Anger is a signal, not a verdict

Here's how I explain it in my office.

A signal says, "Pay attention. Something here matters to you." Maybe it's fairness. Maybe it's respect, safety, or your time.

A verdict says, "I've been wronged. They're guilty. Case closed."

Anger is very good at signals. It is not very good at verdicts. A smoke alarm is a great signal. You should always check it. But sometimes it's a real fire, and sometimes it's burnt toast. The alarm sounds the same either way.

The trouble starts when we treat the feeling itself as the proof. "I'm this angry, so they must have done something awful." That skips the most important step, which is checking the story.

Anger changes the story you tell

Anger doesn't just follow our thoughts. It also shapes them.

In a set of studies from 1993, psychologists Dacher Keltner, Phoebe Ellsworth, and Kari Edwards put people in angry or sad moods. Then they asked them to judge events. Angry people were more likely to see events as caused by other people, and to see other people as responsible. Sad people were more likely to blame the situation.

So when you're angry, your mind leans toward "someone did this to me." Sometimes that's true. Sometimes it isn't. That's why the feeling can't be the judge.

This is the heart of CBT. We don't argue with feelings. We check the thoughts that ride along with them. Psychologists call this reappraisal. It means looking at a situation again and asking if there's another way to see it. In a 2007 lab study led by Iris Mauss, people who use reappraisal more often reported less anger after being provoked. Their heart and blood vessels also showed a healthier stress response.

Does smashing things help?

Smashing a plate can feel good for a minute. But research says it tends to keep anger going.

In a 2002 study, psychologist Brad Bushman made 600 people angry in a lab. Then some of them hit a punching bag while thinking about the person who made them mad. That group felt the angriest afterward. They also acted the most aggressively, more than people who didn't hit the bag at all. In Bushman's words, "Doing nothing at all was more effective than venting anger."

In 2024, Sophie Kjærvik and Bushman looked at 154 studies with more than 10,000 people. Activities that calm the body, like slow breathing, mindfulness, and relaxation, lowered anger. Activities that rev the body up did not lower anger overall. Kjærvik said rage rooms were part of what inspired the study.

I've written more about that research in Does Blowing Off Steam Help Anger? The short version is this: smashing and screaming treat anger like a verdict that needs to be carried out. Calming down lets you read the signal.

Try the Signal-or-Verdict Check

The next time you feel the heat rise, take a slow breath or two first. Then walk through these five questions. You can do it in your head, or jot it on your phone.

1. Name it. "I'm angry." Or annoyed, or furious. Naming the feeling helps you step back from it.

2. What is it pointing to? What matters to me right now? Respect? Fairness? Feeling heard? My time?

3. What story am I telling? Finish this sentence: "I'm angry because they..." Notice words like "always," "never," or "on purpose."

4. What else could be true? Is there another reason they did that? What would a calm friend say? What facts do I actually have?

5. What do I need, and what's my next move? Pick one calm step. Ask a question. Make a request. Take a break. Or let it go.

Here's an example. Your coworker leaves you out of a meeting. The heat rises. The signal: "I want to be included and respected." The story: "She's trying to push me out." What else could be true? Maybe she forgot. Maybe the invite list came from her boss. Your next move: "Hey, I noticed I wasn't on the invite for Tuesday. I'd like to be part of those. Can you add me?"

That's not weak. It's clear. And it gets you closer to what you actually want.

What if your anger is right?

Sometimes the check confirms it. Someone really did cross a line. Anger can point to real unfairness, and it deserves to be heard. I wrote about that in The Purpose of Anger.

Even then, the best move is calm action, not smashing. The American Psychological Association says that expressing anger in an assertive, not aggressive, way is the healthiest way to express it. That means saying clearly what you need, without hurting anyone.

A real wrong calls for a clear head. That might mean a firm boundary or an honest talk. It might also mean a formal complaint or simply walking away. A calm body makes all of those easier to do well.

This isn't a men vs. women thing

Men get this wrong too. Plenty of men I work with treat their anger as proof they're right. "I wouldn't be this mad if I wasn't right." It's the same trap.

Anger is a human feeling. Everyone deserves to have their anger taken seriously. And everyone does better when they check the story before acting on it.

When it may be time for more help

Consider talking with a counselor if:

  • Your anger shows up most days or feels bigger than the problem.
  • You often feel sure you've been wronged, then later see it differently.
  • You rely on yelling, slamming, or smashing to feel better.
  • People close to you seem to walk on eggshells around you.

These patterns are common, and they respond well to practice and support.

Ready to hear what your anger is saying?

Your anger is worth listening to. It's just not the final word. If you'd like help learning to read the signal and choose your next move, I'd be glad to work with you. I see adults in Franklin, TN, and across Tennessee by telehealth, using mindfulness-based CBT.

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This post is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for counseling, therapy, or medical advice. If you are in crisis, call or text 988. In an emergency, call 911.

Sources

Related at Navigate Life Counseling: anger management counseling in Franklin, TN.